I asked myself in the mirror today.

“What does this life want?”

I felt crazy for asking, nevertheless, I continued the chat.

It was so strange to ask yourself. What life meant. What love meant.

What life wanted from you. What love asked from you.

Why is it so easy for people to tear? Do tears mean more nowadays?

Are they kept so that people can show how strong they are?

Have tears symbolized strength?

Are you strong because you don’t cry?


Strong is strong. Tear is tear.


Hahahahaha this is quite funny. What I wrote above was the expression of my confusion yesterday morning around hmm maybe 3.30 AM? I woke up and realized that yeah I did write something before I went to bed; when I was a bit.. Gray.

Did my words demonstrate how confused I was? Lost in a conversation between me & myself. Never before in my life I really spoke to a mirror. And I truly waited for her to answer me. But she’s just there, pausing till I continued my line. I felt like slapping her left cheek and told her how rude she was for not reacting. If only I could get her out. If only we could converse.

I wanted to ask her about life. And love. And tears. How those three relate to each other. I wanted to shake her body and forced her to answer my questions. I wanted to grab her chin and made her look into my eyes and tell me what’s going on. I wanted to cry with her. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to whisper to her ear and comforted her heart. I wanted to tell her that it’s normal to face a huge change. I wanted to hold her hands and say that those lovely people would not change and if they did it would be towards a betterment. I wanted to assure her that it’s okay to be distant from home. I wanted to tell her that she’d be just fine.

Yes, I’m leaving the city. True, I’m pocketing GBP.


Now what?

Packed: a box full of courage, a sack full of faith.

Piece of cake.

Your Friend,

Runny Rudiyanti